The Power of "I'm fine"

One of the most common events in human interaction is the "How are you?" - "I'm fine." pair. Exchanged between family members, friends, coworkers, strangers at the gas pump. Despite being about one of the fundamentally most important aspects of humanity... the status of our very existence, this question response pair can mean almost nothing more than, "You speak English and are close and lucid enough to respond?" - " Yes."

Not that there's anything wrong with what it has come to mean. There are many interpersonal events that are formalized to the point where their meaning changes.

In this particular instance, there may be a golden spiritual opportunity. Here's how. When someone asks, "How are you?" take the chance to say something that is actually true. Don't let the moment of true human sharing to pass with the wave of a formalized expression. If you're fine, say fine. But if you are great, tell them you are great.

After you get used to actually telling the truth, move on to being a little more expressive than third grade vocab. Go for words like frustrated, superb, apathetic, lethargic, and morose. Take a momentary pause, then use the exactly right word. Develop your ability to vividly assess and describe your personal state.

Now you are ready for the third step. Start exaggerating a bit. If someone asks you when you are superb, go for spectacular. Unmotivated? Laxidasical. Sorrowful? Woebegone. Just amp up the emotional charge behind each of your emotional adjectives.

Got that one? Next is the true art. Start saying not what you are, but half way between where you are and where you want to be. But don't lie. That's right. If you are having a fine day, but want to be doing great, go for good, and at least for the duration of your response, be good. Take the moment and the adrenaline boost from boldly proclaiming your new state to take you to that next emotional plateau. Remember, don't lie. This isn't a fake it till you make it philosophy. Mean it.

Having mastered the linguistic emotional rally, you are finally ready for the last trick. When someone asks you how you are, respond in a way that gives you the greatest possible emotional range. Try interesting, unbelievable, and vivid. Words that don't pin you down to a good or bad, happy or sad. As you shape them in your mouth, let them be a little personal reminder that the sum of your human experience can never be adequately accounted for by a single word, and that in any given moment you are more than the scope of all language could ever see.

In my experience this process is intensely powerful. While it was certainly only one of the enlightening influences on me (supported by friends, health, spiritual mentors, and the grace of God being the key others) it was a major contributer to what unchained my emotional life from the constrains of an ordinary range. As my words became more and more vivid, my inner life brightened. I found that when I spoke of where I wanted to be, my mood would boost in that moment to match my words, and that through the day I would gain amazing emotional inertia. My language and my attitude would leapfrog to impossible heights.

When I finally unleashed my status with the vague language I was very used to my words creating emotional space. The phrase "Unbelievable" became a mantra for evoking a truly unbelievable state of being.

Perhaps this all sounds a bit too weird, or that it would never actually work. Different tricks do, after all, work differently for different people. But what, if I may ask, is the danger of trying? All that is at risk is your placid devotion to answering the question "How are you?" with an unsubstantial response.