Adulthood

When I was a youth, I often wondered when I would become an adult. While certainly I had met some adults not worth admiring, I imagined my transformation to adulthood as being characterized by the acquisition of some special quality, some intuitive knack, some problem solving ability that would set me apart.

As I aged, I noticed a distinct lack of transformative moments. My extended education did put me half way into my twenties before I was done, which may have strung out any single moment of adultification into harder to distinguish phases. Whatever the cause, there seemed to be no defining moment, and more disappointingly, no special mechanism for coping with the world.

How, then, would I cope with the world in an adult way? What then was the source of that indefinable... maturity that adults seemed to conduct themselves with? It didn't seem to be a particular piece of knowledge.

And then, one day, it hit me. I had been making decisions about the future, and I remember thinking, "Well, I really wish someone else would solve this problem... but that's not going to happen... and I'm not just going let it pass to others... so, ok, its on me." In that moment, I became an adult.

Adulthood carries with it a certitude and fortitude, not generated from any special ability, but rather the resolution that when there is a problem, to choose otherwise is simply not an option. It grants no special ability to cope with responsibility, but simply the willingness to earnestly accept responsibility.

Now, this role as the bottom line is facilitated by an emotional fortitude that boarders on emotional dishonesty. I have found that adults have the amazing ability to lie to themselves and others about the truth of their being. It seems that the healthy adult must recognize the moments others are relying on them and there is no choice but to deal, but also recognize those moments where they can decompress in a safe way and refresh their souls.

Looking back, I see why the attribute of adulthood eluded my investigation. In different situations, and with different people, it is different traits that accomplish acts of adult steadiness. Additionally, any one of these traits could be just as easily be possessed by a child. But the commitment of maturity facilitates the transition from trait to trait, even as particular adult has no idea how they are going to solve the problem at hand. They simply know that to not solve the problem is not an option.