Free Slaves

When I was young, I railed at the notion of serving God before myself. I thought, "Why did God make me free, just to give that freedom away and serve him?"

I didn't want God telling me what to do, what to think, or what to say. I wanted to be free to do what I want.

In my elder years, I have learned there is no such thing as "free to do what I want." Oh, sure, I can do what I want. Its the freedom bit that isn't so much a reality. Living through my desires is not an expression of freedom. It is simply being a slave to my desires.

It makes sense when I think about it. In the beginning acting on my desires is fulfilling, but as I continue to only serve myself I develop addictive attachments and must repay resources tapped in my excess. Choosing to express my freedom through submitting to my desires feels like liberation at first, but is ultimately slavery.

Submitting to the divine law of the universe is hard. Asked to do what I don't want. Not getting to have what I want. Moving in directions to which I see no point. But as I continue to labor in service of God and others, I begin to see the value in what I do. I start having an appreciation for the plan I am now part of. In the end, I want, I desire the good of those I was asked to serve. Choosing to express my freedom though submitting to my God feels like slavery at first, but is ultimately liberation.

My desires change! Treating my momentary fixation as sacrosanct is the road to suffering. My desires aren't eternal and holy, God is. When I live within the light of the creator, though the power of grace I find what I want transforming. In the end, I do exactly what God wants, and exactly what I want.

That's freedom.